I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
