I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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