Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
