I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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