the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
