Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Someone shattered a urinal.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
NoShamevember. You game?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
