eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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