If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
