I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
