I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
