His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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