TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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