I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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