My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
