We won't sleep together?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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