Define "chronic" masturbator.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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