is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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