shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
