I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so explain again why im purple
no
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
