ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
