I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
