somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
