If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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