my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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