I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
