I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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