she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
