Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
