Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
