he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
