Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
