the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
