Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
