Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
