he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
