During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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