got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
