85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
