my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
