Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
