he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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