It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
