How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
