used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
