Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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