Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
