Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
