I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
