She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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