you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
