I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
