I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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