This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
